I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
