fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think i got beer on your cat.
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