I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
