I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
it's great music for shaving your balls
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
