the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
