Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
