youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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