I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
