did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
