So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Success! We fucked roommates!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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