We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
