We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
