we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
