My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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