Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
