What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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