Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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