i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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