it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
