omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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