um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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