Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
The ass gains better be worth it
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