its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
