My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
