cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
