You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
