They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
