Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
