Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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