Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
