Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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