she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Sorry my hands just texted you
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
