I cannot find my penis.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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