I am puke
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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