I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
