YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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