Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
