I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
