You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
operation have a gay friend backfired
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
