Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
