hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
