420 ftw
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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