I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
