Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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