I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
