the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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