She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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