You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
