shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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