Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
