I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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