benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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