Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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