My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize